Quiet Time

Lately I feel like I dislike being by myself with no one to talk to. Usually I like some time alone to think and do as I please. I have come to realize that I do not like being alone because I get too lost in my thoughts. My thoughts are not pleasant these days, but anxiety ridden. I have also realized that I feel my loneliness wrap around me like a suffocating cloud. I realize I am getting older now, all my sisters are paired off and simply waiting for their wedding day to arrive, two already engaged and one waiting for the ring. and none of my friends know ALL of me. Perhaps because I am guarded or feel they will not understand. I never claim to fully understand them at times, but my hope is to one day not be afraid to share things with someone, whether he understands or not. The simple fact that he knows. The fact I have only been inlove once, someone I still think about to this day, also weighs heavy on my mind and heart. I have been wanting to move away more and more with each passing day and I think it is so I can move to a place with no memories of past love or relationships. A place where I can hope to find my partner for life. Some days I feel I am destined to be alone the rest of my life. Perhaps I will be... I am also conflicted with myself because I do not want to get deeply involved with anyone, including friends because I will be going to Italy. Yes it is only for 13 weeks but I hate settling into comfortable places with people only to be uprooted. Only certain groups of people know certain aspects of my personality and the thoughts that are continously running around. I love the world and her people who live off her, sometimes I think that works against me...